My mother sent B a birthday card. It arrived today. Once again, like I did with my youngest - I decided to let her decide if she wanted it or not. H elected to open it because she hoped for a gift card or money. Instead my mother sent a savings bond.
She did the same thing for B. The savings bond also arrived today. B opened the card and then tossed it aside. I'll put in in my burn pile.
Yes, I was disappointed that they both decided to open the cards. I wanted to refuse both pieces of mail so they'd be returned to sender so that she stops this nonsense. Oh wait... she s psycho so she'd probably re-send it.
This is my mother's way of trying to make her presence known in our home. She thinks that by 'winning back' the kids I will change my mind. I won't. My decision is final... I still want nothing to do with her. The girls have told me they do not want anything to do with her. She scared them so badly that bringing up her name in this house creates anxiety. So we just don't. We're moving on with our lives, happy and closer than ever without her overbearing opinions lingering over us.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Rob passed away, peacefully with Kim sleeping by his side this morning.
It is a comfort knowing he will not have to endure pain or suffering, but holy hell. He was 57. He was young, healthy before the cancer and active. I guess that is the story of this terrible disease.
Rob was one of the nicest people I knew. Kind, caring and generous. He had a great sense of humor and was always smiling. And hardworking - he owned a construction company that built homes and condos. He did a lot of the work himself. He was business and financially savvy. He was a good man and will surely be missed.
It is a comfort knowing he will not have to endure pain or suffering, but holy hell. He was 57. He was young, healthy before the cancer and active. I guess that is the story of this terrible disease.
Rob was one of the nicest people I knew. Kind, caring and generous. He had a great sense of humor and was always smiling. And hardworking - he owned a construction company that built homes and condos. He did a lot of the work himself. He was business and financially savvy. He was a good man and will surely be missed.
Sunday, August 21, 2011
Cancer
My aunt's husband has cancer. He was diagnosed in July with stage four colon & liver cancer and shortly after the diagnosis a scan of his lungs found cancer there, too.
As hard as it is to be optimistic, I know the reality of this but can't bear to think about the outcome. People beat cancer everyday. People also die from it everyday and with it being in three organs and stage four, this can't be good.
Every time I talk to my aunt, I walk away and cry or get off the phone and cry. Watching her struggle with this is more heart wrenching than anything I have ever witnessed. It is hard to see Rob struggle too, but at this point he is on pain meds and is completely out of it. I guess knowing that he will get some peace is comforting. My aunt on the other hand is watching her husband slowly die. Then she will have to deal with the heartbreak of his death and somehow pick up the pieces and move on while dealing with the grief.
They were together almost 13 years. They were just married one year ago in May. It was my aunts first marriage and his second. They're both in their 50's. This kind of thing just isn't supposed to happen.
As hard as it is to be optimistic, I know the reality of this but can't bear to think about the outcome. People beat cancer everyday. People also die from it everyday and with it being in three organs and stage four, this can't be good.
Every time I talk to my aunt, I walk away and cry or get off the phone and cry. Watching her struggle with this is more heart wrenching than anything I have ever witnessed. It is hard to see Rob struggle too, but at this point he is on pain meds and is completely out of it. I guess knowing that he will get some peace is comforting. My aunt on the other hand is watching her husband slowly die. Then she will have to deal with the heartbreak of his death and somehow pick up the pieces and move on while dealing with the grief.
They were together almost 13 years. They were just married one year ago in May. It was my aunts first marriage and his second. They're both in their 50's. This kind of thing just isn't supposed to happen.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
I'm not having a good day. My hip is hurting and going up/ down the stairs has been excrutiating not to mention very slow. The rest of my points hurt terribly. Yesterday was the last day of my meds. The script ran out and I can't see the rheumatologist until October 4th. I can request a refill through my PCP but it seems like a waste of money when it wasn't really working anyhow.
I know that I'm miserable and that everything is getting under my skin. I'm trying very hard not to take it out on anyone else. I've tried several things to get comfortable and nothing has worked, so I've been restless for the last hour. I really hate when this happens.
I know that I'm miserable and that everything is getting under my skin. I'm trying very hard not to take it out on anyone else. I've tried several things to get comfortable and nothing has worked, so I've been restless for the last hour. I really hate when this happens.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Sometimes I get into these ruts where I seem to encounter problems with everything that I am involved in. I swear it feels like these stupid grey clouds follow me around waiting for a moment where I am tired, sore and have no energy to fight back.
I seem to be more involved with things that seem to open me up for these types of ruts - between my business and personal life, I am pretty over extended. Although I really try not to, I take everything personally. I view every mistake as a blow to my character. I am working on this. I have made progress. My biggest fault is diving headfirst into whatever the issue is without taking five minutes to think about it. If I walk away and let it hang for a few, I am usually in a better place to deal.
I know that having my own business and producing something that may not make everyone happy, I have to accept that I can't please everyone. In the 6 or 8 months that I have been on this road, I have had two people that complained, which I guess is pretty good. The first time the incident was totally believable and the person stated only the facts. I really felt bad that the item was damaged in transit. She got her money back. The second time the situation wasn't believable and every attempt I made to work things out, the person made a dig at me, at the business and at my item. I ultimately gave her money back but kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to tell her she sucked and never to come back.
Being on the other side, I know that it makes me mad when something gets lost in the mail, arrives damaged or is otherwise not as it should be. I've experienced my share of those situations lately. I bought some molds from someone and had a really hard time working with them. They were impossible for me to work with and I blamed it on inexperience. So I spent time reading up trying to figure out how to get them to work for me. I even let the Girlies try them out, because usually they can figure things out. The molds were still a fail. I waited almost three weeks before I contacted the site because I know what it feels like to get a complaint and have to take a loss. But the truth was, they were not going to make me any money and I was frustrated. I got a refund after they asked me some questions. In the end, I am happy and used that money to buy something else that has proven to work better.
In another situation I am having a real hard time getting the issue resolved. I am basically dealing with a middleman - the seller of the item who promised a replacement but is now reporting that the manufacturer wants to send a fix. This is a more emotionally charged situation because the item is my dining room table. Of which cost a lot of hard earned money, is a fixture in our every day lives and a piece of furniture that I picked out and truly love. And, is defective.
These stupid situations drain me. Exhaust me. I hate that dealing with things that are somewhat important suck me dry mentally. I know that this is part of the chronic fatigue and Fibro. I hate that feeling of being so mentally stressed out that it manifests into physical pain and exhaustion. I am still learning to cope and maybe I just need to scale back for now. But how?
I seem to be more involved with things that seem to open me up for these types of ruts - between my business and personal life, I am pretty over extended. Although I really try not to, I take everything personally. I view every mistake as a blow to my character. I am working on this. I have made progress. My biggest fault is diving headfirst into whatever the issue is without taking five minutes to think about it. If I walk away and let it hang for a few, I am usually in a better place to deal.
I know that having my own business and producing something that may not make everyone happy, I have to accept that I can't please everyone. In the 6 or 8 months that I have been on this road, I have had two people that complained, which I guess is pretty good. The first time the incident was totally believable and the person stated only the facts. I really felt bad that the item was damaged in transit. She got her money back. The second time the situation wasn't believable and every attempt I made to work things out, the person made a dig at me, at the business and at my item. I ultimately gave her money back but kept my mouth shut even though I wanted to tell her she sucked and never to come back.
Being on the other side, I know that it makes me mad when something gets lost in the mail, arrives damaged or is otherwise not as it should be. I've experienced my share of those situations lately. I bought some molds from someone and had a really hard time working with them. They were impossible for me to work with and I blamed it on inexperience. So I spent time reading up trying to figure out how to get them to work for me. I even let the Girlies try them out, because usually they can figure things out. The molds were still a fail. I waited almost three weeks before I contacted the site because I know what it feels like to get a complaint and have to take a loss. But the truth was, they were not going to make me any money and I was frustrated. I got a refund after they asked me some questions. In the end, I am happy and used that money to buy something else that has proven to work better.
In another situation I am having a real hard time getting the issue resolved. I am basically dealing with a middleman - the seller of the item who promised a replacement but is now reporting that the manufacturer wants to send a fix. This is a more emotionally charged situation because the item is my dining room table. Of which cost a lot of hard earned money, is a fixture in our every day lives and a piece of furniture that I picked out and truly love. And, is defective.
These stupid situations drain me. Exhaust me. I hate that dealing with things that are somewhat important suck me dry mentally. I know that this is part of the chronic fatigue and Fibro. I hate that feeling of being so mentally stressed out that it manifests into physical pain and exhaustion. I am still learning to cope and maybe I just need to scale back for now. But how?
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Not again!
I sprained my ankle today. I didn't get it checked it out but I know for sure it is sprained because I had the same exact type of twist and fall motion on my left side a year and a half ago. It's the same exact shooting pain, the lack of being able to put pressure on my foot and the same type of joinig lock that I feel when I try move or twist my foot.
I'm not even sure how it really happened. I was reaching to get something then took a step but I guess my foot wasn't stable and sideways it went. A second later, I was on the floor, my fall padded by my coupon binder and a bag of textiles that I was carrying. I have that awful vomit/faint feeling reflex so between feeling that and the pain in my ankle, I'm glad I was on the floor.
My hub put my air/gel filled brace on me which helped relieve some of the pain but that thing is so awkward and bulky. Wearing it with shoes is impossible so I had to remove it when we went out, which was okay. I limped around for most of the night and put the brace back on while I slept. This sprain isn't as severe as the last one because I am able to put pressure on it, though not by itself (steps are a killer) and the pain isn't quite as sharp.
It makes me so mad because I still feel very occasional pain in my left foot and now this.
I'm not even sure how it really happened. I was reaching to get something then took a step but I guess my foot wasn't stable and sideways it went. A second later, I was on the floor, my fall padded by my coupon binder and a bag of textiles that I was carrying. I have that awful vomit/faint feeling reflex so between feeling that and the pain in my ankle, I'm glad I was on the floor.
My hub put my air/gel filled brace on me which helped relieve some of the pain but that thing is so awkward and bulky. Wearing it with shoes is impossible so I had to remove it when we went out, which was okay. I limped around for most of the night and put the brace back on while I slept. This sprain isn't as severe as the last one because I am able to put pressure on it, though not by itself (steps are a killer) and the pain isn't quite as sharp.
It makes me so mad because I still feel very occasional pain in my left foot and now this.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Laziness
I know that I need to get better at this - this writing thing. I've had so many things happening in my life that I regret not taking the time to log in and slap it down. There is no good reason. I am simply lazy.
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